The Trail to the Powerfully Pricky Wizard
by Xergey
Summary: This is a story about the original 4 Slayers taking a nice trip down to meet a wizard. However the journey is intereuppted by people i don't like, fish, stupidity, and lots of pain.


Chapter 1  
  
Lina, Gourry, Zelgadiss, Amelia, Martina, Xellos, Filia, Mace-sama(^_~), Fish-People/Monsters, Sylphiel, Hellmaster Phibrizzo(Phibby-chan! ^-^), Gaav, Valgaav, Shabarnigdo, Rezo, Koppii/Copy Rezo, and Eris are mostly people not in this story.  
  
As Gourry and Lina once again set off on another journey an old but sill exciting possibility is opened for Gourry. He has the right to die.  
  
Lina: You jellyfish brained idiot! How dare you flirt with that girl! I'm going to rip you to shreds!!!  
  
Which she does, rather effectively too, heals him, does it again, and the process repeats itself until Lina just decides to Dragon Slave Gourry into the Mesosphere. And they say guys are abusive to girls.  
  
This whole scene started due to appx. Ten days ago. When Xellos (all bow and worship the greatest character ever made.) appears before the gang of Lina's.  
  
Xellos: Please help me!  
  
Then he notices Sylphiel and wails a high pitched cry. Trembling in terror he blasts into tiny pieces and buries the pieces in another dimension.  
  
Xellos: Phew glad that's over with I could never stand that girl, anyway I need your help. There has been a rather nasty problem for us mazoku. You see there is a very powerful wizard who believe it or not is more annoying then me.  
  
Sweatdrop  
  
And everyone ignores Xellos but he quickly stops that by saying "that is a secret" over and over and over until Lina cant take it anymore and she tries to kill him. Of course Xellos is too cool to die so he just starts talking again.  
  
Xellos: This person lives in a castle far away. If you defeat him I promise to never bother you again. Everything stops. Lina's heart skips a beat. Gourry, well Gourry being that thick doesn't realize anything has happened and is too busy trying to remember Zelgadiss's name. Meanwhile Amelia just kept having fantasies about being with Mister Zelgadiss. Zelgadiss, well Zel was creeped out. Well, so would you. Imagine a big blond guy who just keeps staring at you with a confused look, a girl who is staring at you dreamily and keeps saying your name repeatedly, and a girl who if you say anything to anger her you are barnacled. Now he had a Xellos guy telling him about a powerful magician. As he sipped his coffee all he could think about now was hey maybe I can get changed into a human now. Now Zelgadiss isn't as dumb as to think he would actually be turned into a human. I mean after you fail about a hudrewd times it kinda gets old of saying, "hey 101st try is the charm" but I really couldn't think of another reason of him going on this stupid expedition except that Xellos offered him a gift certificate to Starbucks. So I had to resort to one of two cliché's I choose the one actually in Slayers so now I will finish my rant and the story will continue  
  
Lina as we remember had her heart stopped beating now finally it starts again and she realizes YES!!!!! No more Xellos, No more "that is a secret", no more horrible cooking disasters, no more comments about Gourry's hair, and no more kisses!. So of course Lina says  
  
Lina: No.  
  
Then Xellos lays out a chest of gold and poof two letters become 3 and so they set off on a new journey but wait. There is a high-pitched laugh emitting from the forest. Lina gets ready for an attack when…..Naga comes out of the forest. Sweatdrop  
  
Naga: Hello everyone, remember me?  
  
Lina glares, Amelia looks confused, Gourry and Zelgadiss are having too many fantasies to notice Lina.  
  
Lina: Dragon Slave!!!!!  
  
Goodbye Naga and she dies (lynch me for all I care. Yes I would find her attractive if I were a cartoon but I'm not and personally I cant stand someone who bothers to know so much about hot springs that she can identify one by touch. I mean seriously Its WATER, who gives a shit. Its water, if your in a desert dying then I understand, but it's a hot spring, get over it!!!!!) So the journey starts off again and then a high pitched laugh comes from the forest. Lina gets ready for an attack. Then Martina comes out of the forest. Gourry runs for her and bites her. In the hair of course.  
  
Gourry: Hey this isn't mint ice cream!  
  
Martina: Arghhhhhh you commoner get offf…my...hair!  
  
Surprisingly enough Lina doesn't kill her. She just runs to Filia, grabs her mace, which left Filia very confused because she could have sworn someone just felt up her leg, Lina whacks Martina up up and away, goes back to Filia, gives back her mace, and is similarly whacked with the mace for feeling up Filia. The Lina party is wondering what to do now when from the forest comes a thump and a high pitched laugh. (hah bet you thought I was going to say a laugh but hah I also said a thump so hah!) Anyway, Gourry goes to investigate and sees Lina. She's laughing but why.  
  
Lina: Hahahaahha  
  
She is surrounded by really small slugs and is insane. Gourry goes to one the slugs and realizes it has a little bit of red hair on it. He goes over to Lina  
  
Gourry: Hey this looks like you!  
  
Tongues of Flame lash from her eyes. Indescribable energy flows through her veins as the power of pure fury sweeps through them.  
  
Lina: You…jelly…fish..brained…idiot… you.. will.. pay!!!!!!!  
  
Gourry(oblivious): Hey if someone put two slugs on their chest they'd look like your breasts Lina!  
  
Now I have no idea how Gourry could possibly survive this. I mean seriously could you have asked for anything stupider to say. I mean it's just not possible. Well Lina does love him right? I'm sure you wouldn't kill the person you loved if you were a girl and he said that to you. Right? (Note: yes I'm sure there are some of you who would love to kill that person but seriously doubt that, anyway I'm curious e-mail me to tell me if you would and please send a picture as well so I that if I see you I can run in the opposite direction as fast as I can. 10X)  
  
Now they start of on their journey again and finally start making progress. The journey moves along smoothly as they move through town to town spreading famine where ever they go but hey Lina, Amelia, and Gourry need to be able to consume food in proportions that would make every person on a diet hate them in order to give the people of Slayers another classic joke to fall upon if they are struck dumb. Anyway as they are halfway to the castle an army lays in their path. Now not a regular army mind you. It is an army of creature men all swathed in cloaks. The leader then goes to Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadiss and gives them all large sums of money in order to let the army attack Lina. Zel accepts without a thought, Amelia complains about justice but 10 million is a very large sum and with the army saying how much good she can do with the money and she also concedes, finally Gourry decides he will remain with Lina till the end. As soon as Zel and Amelia are out of the picture the army takes off their cloaks and shows their true forms. It's an army of fish-men!  
  
Gourry: Ewwww sick. Well we're not afraid of you. Be prepared for the most powerful force on earth. Go get him Lina! (sorry the line bothered me I had to do the opposite)  
  
Lina: What!?  
  
Gourry: I don't want to fight these guys they're disgusting and I'll get fish guts all over my sword!  
  
Lina: Gourry!!!!!!  
  
But before Lina could attack him the army made its move. As one they moved towards and advanced slowly. Lina too scared to move just crumbled. Then the fish prepared their own most vicious attack. They puckered up and went for the kiss. 5000 fish kissed Lina in a matter of 3 hours. By the time they were done she was more pruned then a prune (hmmm How many people just left this site because I said that. I wonder….) So after 5000 fish lay blushing on the ground all off in fantasy land. Lina got up. Found her three "friends" and just couldn't take it anymore. The whole world sucked right then and she couldn't care. She Giga-Slaved them.  
  
Lina: Giga Slave!  
  
But hey they are three main people and I doubt I could survive the wrath of so many fans by killing them all so in the end they all survived but extremely hurt.  
  
They walk some more and they finally find the castle. Mind you no one is talking anymore. Lina is still too pissed and lets see you talk after getting hit with a Giga Slave. Anyway the castle is totally deserted when all of sudden a boy comes down from the ceiling.  
  
Lina: Hey do you know a great magician who lives around here?  
  
Boy: Yes I do air head  
  
Lina's eye starts to twitch but hey she needs the information so he can forget a few insults until this is over.  
  
Lina: Well can you take us to him?  
  
Boy: No need he's already here shit-head.  
  
Too bad the kid doesn't notice the fireball behind Lina's back  
  
Lina: really where?  
  
Said oh so sweetly like a cat purring to a lizard right before she starts to play with him.  
  
Boy: It's me you overzealous witch and my name is Hairy Potters.  
  
End chapter 1 


End file.
